


(I used to be alone) before I knew you

by LostMe



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, English is not my native language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 17:29:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10769031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostMe/pseuds/LostMe
Summary: “Newt? Newt, are you hearing me?” Percival asked, knelt in front of Newt’s chair.“Percival?” Newt asked, seemingly noticing the other man for the first time.“Hey. How have your day being?”“What? What are you doing here?”“Asking about your day. So, how was it?”Newt’s eyes got slightly unfocused again. Right, something pretty serious must have happened.“It was okay. I’m fine.” Newt said.





	(I used to be alone) before I knew you

When Percival was young, he always regarded his own father as a real life version of a superhero. And like all superheroes, it was not so out of character for the man to be so mysterious and aloof. Young Percival never took the hoarse timbre of his father’s voice, the shadows under his eyes or the tired way he pushed his son away as the clear signs of exhaustion they were: for you Percival, his father was a hero, and so would act like all heroes do – not getting too close to anyone, not even his own blood. Of course, with time Percival grew up and started to notice that in reality he lived in a dysfunctional family. However, maybe the notion he father was some kind of hero never left him, otherwise he would not have followed his father’s steps and choose the same carrier. Assistant Commissioner Percival Graves sighed for the tenth time over the same report he was trying to read for the last ten minutes. Why, why couldn’t the cadets just write the information down in an understandable way? Why didn’t the responsible officers correct it before sending it to him? Why hadn’t he stayed on the streets? He could die in service, just like his father and… No, that was actually worse than having to read one more stupid report. Just as he was again considering asking Seraphina about going back to being an Inspector, his cell phone ringed. Well, that in itself was rare enough to catch his attention. More unexpected yet was the number in the identifier. Curious but a little nervous about talking to Newt, he answered the call.

“Percival Graves.” He said in lieu of greeting. The voice that answered, however, was not one he recognized.

“Hum… Hi… Mister Graves… I don’t know if… My name is Credence and I’m calling you on the behalf of Mister Scamander. You do know him right? Can you come and pick him?”

 In between asking why THE BOY was calling him and why the boy was calling HIM, all he could really say was:

“Where is he?”

“Columbia University… Environmental Health Sciences Department. Do you know where it is?”

“Yes. I will be there in twenty minutes.”

Percival made it in ten minutes, all the time wondering what has happened to the man and why someone would call him for help. Once in Professor Dumbledore’s office (apparently Newt was sharing it with him now while trying for tenure. Percival hadn’t known) he immediately saw the hunched figure of Newt seated in one of the chairs, while a young man was pacing in front of him. Seeing that Newt was alive and seemingly whole, Percival decided it was best to understand what was happening first.

“Hey. I’m Percival Graves. Are you Credence?”

The boy stopped pacing after hearing his voice and looked at him with frightened eyes.

“Yes! I…”

“What happened? How is Newt?”

“I don’t know! Today is the last day of the period and so I stayed late in the lab and was running to get home when I encountered him on the cafeteria. He is nice to me you know? Sometimes he gives me a lift home and I was really late so I thought that if he was leaving soon we could go together? But then I tried to talk to him and he was slow to respond and when he finally did he asked me if I could help him to get here. I don’t know what happened! But he is limping and once we got here he sat on that chair and only says that he is fine, that I should not worry. How can I not worry? But I didn’t know what to do, or where he lives or who to call. So I got his phone to try and call Professor Dumbledore but he is not answering. His phone registers the most frequent calls as favorites and I tried those. Your number is the fourth, after two international numbers and Dumbledore’s and…”

Percival raised one hand to interrupt the boy, who answered all his unasked questions in a fit and was almost over sharing at this point.

“It is alright. You said you were late?”

“Oh! Yes! What time is it?” The boy asked while turning his head to see the clock in the opposing wall. “It is past eleven! I’ve lost the last bus!”

That appeared to catch Newt’s attention, who said, in a low voice:

“I’m so sorry Credence… I will give you a lift… I just need to…”

But his voice trailed away soon enough.  

“Boy. I’m putting you in a taxi. Do not worry, I will pay for it.” Percival said, trusting a fifty bill into Credence’s hand.

“Sir… It too much…”

But at Percival’s glare the boy took it and went to the street to wait for his taxi. Finally alone with the other man, Percival got close to him.

Newt was just as awkward as Percival remembered him. Almost a year ago, when Newt came to live in New York to work on the University, Theseus, a childhood friend of Percival, arranged for the two to meet. ‘I would feel better knowing he has someone to call if he needs, you know? I think you could also use the company’. Percival had answered that he was a grown man and didn’t need a playdate. Theseus had laughed and said that it would do no harm. In reality, Newt was a very pleasant, if a little strange company. They had dinner that night, followed by a walk in the park and wine fuelled night of passion. The morning after was a little bit uncomfortable, but they were adults, they could deal with it. They remained casual friends and Percival would sometimes consult with Newt – the guy was in the wrong department. He was a genius chemist.  Newt’s supernatural knowledge about unlisted narcotics left aside, they shared a good amount of laugher over some beers, that may or may not resulted in heated kisses and some adult entertainment. But that was that. Nothing that would justify his number as the fourth more called one in Newt’s cell phone. Well, that particular mystery would have to wait. There was one more pressing one that needed some solving first.

“Newt? Newt, are you hearing me?” Percival asked, knelt in front of Newt’s chair.

“Percival?” Newt asked, seemingly noticing the other man for the first time.

“Hey. How have your day being?”

“What? What are you doing here?”

“Asking about your day. So, how was it?”

Newt’s eyes got slightly unfocused again. Right, something pretty serious must have happened.

“It was okay. I’m fine.” Newt said.

Percival sighed.

“Newt, what do you say about we going to your place?”

“Hum? Yeah, sure. I can give you a lift… Just…”

Newt tried to stand up, but it was clear that his right ankle could not support his weight. Percival got his elbow before Newt fell.

“I’d rather drive, if you don’t mind. Where are your keys?”

Newt took the keys from his coat pocket. Percival took them and half carried Newt to his blue car. He drove them in silence to Newt’s apartment, and in silence they got in Newt’s living room. As soon as Percival closed the door, however, he got an armful of Newt, who seized the opportunity created by Percival’s surprise to thrust his tongue into the other man’s mouth. The kiss was aggressive and desperate and so very wrong that Percival let it happen for  couple of seconds, before gently pushing Newt far enough to look into his eyes.

“Is it what you want, Newt? What you need?” Percival asked.

“I… I thought it was what you wanted… I…” Newt answered, while shyly looking away.

“Right now all I want is to sit in that ridiculous coach of yours. How about joining me?”

Newt nodded and so Percival helped him to sit down. Without asking for permission, but slowly enough that the other man could stop him if he so wished, Percival kneeled in front of him and took Newt’s shoes off, before gently rotating his right foot. Newt winced, but didn’t protest.

“You sprained your ankle, but it doesn’t appear to be serious. Does anywhere else hurt?” Percival asked.

“I’ve hit my head while I fell. And my wrist is sore, but it is fine. I’m fine.” Newt murmured.

“You fell?” Percival asked, while sitting at the other man’s side on the couch.

After some seconds in silence, Newt started to talk, in a very low voice.

“I was never popular at school you know. Every other day I would get shoved around. One day I lost my balance and ended stuck sitting on a big cemented trash can. It became some kind of a game… For the other kids to push me in the direction of one of those, to see if I would end up in the same position again. The names were the worst… If only because they always preceded me. I tried to engage, to be part of things that were bigger than me… But even the other excluded children had mixed feelings. We all had.”

“It’s a shame we didn’t frequent the same school.” Percival said, reaching for Newt’s hand in comfort (and also to try to check that sore wrist – too bad he didn’t know what wrist was hurting, but he was betting on the right one).

“You’d probably have been Theseus’ friend anyway. His friend’s didn’t care about me either. I was but a kid to them.”

Percival nodded. He was only five years older than Newt, but it would be a great deal in school.

“Why are you telling me this?” Percival asked.

“I thought it would end after high school. People didn’t like me in college, but nobody ever touched me again. Well, I got punched once by a drunk colleague at one symposium but it is not like… It wasn’t the same. Today… Today one of the PhD students dared another one to shove me, because they didn’t fare well in my last test, I presume. It wasn’t that strong a shove… But I was holding some books and reports and lost my balance halfway the stairs. I was there, on the first step, not knowing where my books landed and… Nobody helped me. And I just realized that maybe… Other people just don’t see me as one of them? I could have broken my neck and nobody cared. Nobody cared…” Newt trailed off with misty eyes.

Percival seized the opportunity to take Newt in his arms and place his thinner body into his own lap. That was when he noticed that neither of them had taken their coats off.

“Credence cared. He called me. I went to pick you up because I care. I’m certain if Theseus lived in America he would kill the bastard who…”

“Theseus… I don’t think Theseus would do anything.” Newt said, before burying his nose into Percival’s coat. “Do you really care?”

“Newt… Why would I be here if I didn’t?” Percival asked, gently caressing Newt’s hair and scalp (and looking for bumps, but it was not his fault if he was a practical man).

At Newt’s silence Percival reflected on that so out of character kiss and cursed himself for letting Newt think sexual encounters were all that they would ever have. Percival liked Newt, really liked him, but both of them were rather busy this last year and something as silly as a phone call or a text message could demand a level of attention that neither of them had to spare. And suddenly, it occurred to him that probably he was Credence’s choice of a phone call because he very well may be the closest relationship that Newt has in New York. That maybe he was in Newt’s last contacts because the man simply didn’t call anyone else beside his family in the last month and a half. Percival made a mental note to contact the man more often from now on. And maybe to introduce Newt to some of his own friends. He was sure Newt and Jacob would get on marvelously. Also, having a pair like the Goldstein sisters on Newt’s side certainly wouldn’t hurt.

“You could… Actually you should press charges against these bullies, you know? Assault, at least.” Percival said.

“I don’t want any trouble. I don’t even want to come back to the University anymore.”

Well, that wouldn’t do. Newt’s all life was dedicated to get that position on Columbia. He would quit because of a bunch of trolls?

“Wasn’t today the last day of the period? It means that you don’t have to come back for at least a few days, right?” Percival inquired.

“No… I have to grade some papers but… I think I could do it from here?” Newt asked, momentarily forgetting that Percival wouldn’t have that answer.

 “Well, you don’t have to go to Columbia tomorrow, or rather later today, anyway, since it is Saturday. You can decide what you want to do on Monday.” Percival said.

“These things… Don’t they have a time limit? Or don’t I need a witness?” Newt asked, clearly trying to make up an excuse to not having to even think about it.

“Newt, I’m the Assistant Commissioner. I could have these boys two days under arrest because they looked at me in a way I didn’t like. Actually, it may work really well to teach them a valuable lesson in proper human behavior…”

“ I really don’t want any trouble, Percival.”

“You should at least reprove them. No? So, aren’t you telling me their names?”

“I… I didn’t see them very well…”

It was bullshit and Percival knew that. But that was not a problem, at all. He could figure it out later. Percival gently repositioned Newt on his lap so he could take his own coat off, before divesting Newt of his own.

“Okay, so tell me, what do you think about us ordering a pizza? Or would you rather eat something lighter? I could cook you something.”

Newt blinked at Percival, for once not really understanding.

“Ehr… Pizza is fine. I’m really not hungry…” Newt started, but Percival interrupted him.

“I am. I missed lunch today. I also think you should take a hot shower and eat something comforting before resting. Pizza always cheers me up.” Percival said, already lightening his cell phone to place an order. “Any preference? Are you still into strawberries with chocolate?”

At Newt’s nod Percival, got up and carried a startled Newt into the bedroom to take said shower. After Newt guaranteed that he could manage it, Percival left him to order a big pizza with mushrooms topping and another one with strawberries and chocolate (even though in his mind he refused to call that a pizza). Newt was usually fast to shower, but Percival had a suspicion that he would need some extra minutes this time, to let the hot water to soothe his mind. At least Percival hoped he would let that happen.

Just as the pizzas (argh) arrived and were paid for Newt stepped out of the bathroom, wearing rather loose clothes and with damp hair. He limped to the table, but didn’t appear to be in as much pain as before. That was when Percival noted that Newt had bandaged his ankle to help it to support his weight, and that he made a really good job of it. If Newt’d rather not come back to Columbia, Percivel surely would arrange for him to work on forensics.

They talked about lighter subjects as they ate and it wasn’t long before Newt was yawning. A clear sign to Percival that that particular night was coming to an end.

“You should rest Newt. It’s been a hard night.”

Newt got quiet again, and started to scratch the back of his neck, eyes fixed on his own hands.

“I really don’t want to… If you could… I mean, if it isn’t any trouble…”

“Do you want me to stay, Newt?” Percival asked, as kindly as he could. Newt nodded, but it was a small and shy thing.

“I’d like that.” Percival answered. “Do you want me to sleep on the couch or…”

“I want to stay with you. Just… Just to sleep, if that is alright.”

Percival nodded. He then stood up and approached Newt’s chair, offering him a hand to help him to get on his feet. They went together to the bathroom to brush their teeth (Newt had a lot of spare new toothbrushes, Percival would have to ask later) and ended together on Newt’s bed. They fell asleep in each other’s arms, with Newt’s head pillowed on Percival’s shoulder. Percival had a fleeting thought that if things were different it would be a rather pleasant way to end a night.

 

 

In the next day, when Newt woke up he noticed two things: the first one was that he had a faint headache, along with some lingering pains from last night. The second one was that he was alone. Although expected, that left a strange emptiness on his very soul. Not one to waste away in thing he could not have, Newt got up and went to the kitchen. Maybe his headache would fade away if he drank something. But as soon as he came to the aforementioned room, he found a fresh cup of tea and some toast and scrambled eggs placed on the table. Near it was a note:

_‘Sorry for not waiting for you to wake up. I left my car at Columbia last night and thought it was best to pick it up before someone tries anything funny with the siren. I also have some work to do this morning, but I’ve got a free afternoon and night, if you want to do something? I’m thinking about going to the movies and would be delighted if you’d accompany me. Let me know, okay? I will call you later if you don’t._

_In case you’d rather stay at home we can do that too. But if you prefer to be alone today, just know that I care about you. Deeply. And that I hope you’re really fine._

_Yours,_

_Percival._

_Ps: since I was coming to Columbia today, I took the liberty to look at your student’s reports and your call list. Just in case some paper was missing so I could look for them. I’m sorry for intruding and I confess I’m surprised to know you teach just one class. I’ve noticed that Gabriel’s and Paul’s reports are missing. It is a pity, since they appear to be the only students that got bad grades in your last test so they would really need their reports. I don’t know if they have even delivered it, but I will look for any loose papers on the stairs. I hope you don’t mind. If you do, let me know how to make it up to you.’_

Newt sighed. He was certain his whole class has delivered the reports and more so that he got all of them when he fell. In between cursing the fact that Percival was clearly a very competent detective (yes, he identified the culprits with very few information and without asking anything) and wondering if he should be mad about him throwing the reports away, he concluded that if he had indeed lost the reports it would be those guys fault anyway. He would write to them later to let them know that their reports weren’t delivered and that they had until the final of the afternoon to e-mail it to him. He rather doubted, however, that the boys would open their institutional e-mail on the first day of their vacation. Well, there wasn’t much he could do in that case, was there?

He sat on the table and started to eat, while lazily text Percival.

_‘A movie sounds good. Pick me up when you’re read? I don’t think I should drive with a bandaged ankle. By the way, don’t waste your time looking at every stair at Columbia. Their reports are not there.’_

Some seconds after he sent the first message, he wrote and sent another one:

_‘I really care about you too. Thank you for last night. And for breakfast.’_

Some minutes later he got the response:

_‘ I’d rather you thank me for breakfast tomorrow morning. Preferable in bed.’_

Newt smiled.

_‘That can be arranged.’_

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> These situations Newt told... about being pushed down the stairs (on a dare bewteen students - although we were all in highschool), being punched at a symposium, shoved in a trash can and not bonding even with the excluded... They actually happened to me. The only difference is that I'm a girl and I never got a Percival to help me go throw it. Also, I have some difficultie son intimacy, so no... Having a casual fuck buddy come to my rescue as a potential lover wouldn't happen anyway. Still I think that writing this was rather cathartic in a way. For those who went throw something similar, I just hope that you know one very important thing: you matter. And you're unique and that is beautiful. Never stop being awsome. 
> 
> PS: Title is from Hellelujah, by Leonard Cohen. 
> 
> I hope you liked it. Please let me know.


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